June 2007

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Drinking...

Just think... this time yesterday... pluto was still a planet.

My last blog was a hit, by all considerable standards- there were like 15 comments.  Naturally I believe we should attempt to break this record so I implore you, whoever you are, whereever you are, if you are reading this post please leave a comment to let me know:
1) What you had to eat for your last meal away from home
2) Where you consumed this meal (for our purposes, an actual restaurant please)
3) How much you paid for it (pre tax, pre tip- just the entree)
The person who has the meal I find most intriguing will be appointed the winner and will be sent via mail something of indisputable interest. (to me.)
This contest is invalid of we fail to break the record of 15 comments.
This contest is also invalid of more than half of the comments belong to Deanna Gibson or her brothers Jody and Blake.  Whom I love.  But propriety must mean something!

That said I'd like to get into some of the nougaty details of my quotidian. 
There is this blog I read on a regular basis.  I know this person.  In real life.  We've spoken.  I've seen her on several occasions.  About seven months hence, I started reading her weblog.  It's fantastic.  Venal, self-important, a declamatory stump from which she can pronounce judgement on the idiot world. 

Since I began reading her blog, I've shunned her.  Now I've moved to NYC so there's no awkwardness but in the months while I was in St. Louis I would actively find ways not to talk to her for fear of asking her questions about her blog.  The blog was so out there- so forthright- chock full of details about her marriage, her family, the sexy details of her fourteen year old daughter's diary which she read fearing for her daughter and then posted online for the entire world to read.  Worse yet, she's an actor and a playwright so I get the particularly giddy thrill of detesting myself by proxy when I read the things she writes about her life, her career, her work.  I didn't want to mess up a good thing by actually talking to her.  She is the car wreck that I like to drive by slowly every day.  How could you ever tell anybody a thing like that?   So I share it with you,  the way I would point out to you a vagrant who was unaware that his testicles were hanging out of his pants.

I believe that I've located the first ever blog.  The man's name is Michel Eyquem de Montaigne.  He lived at the end of the sixteenth century, a French nobleman who was raised in such completely overwhelming luxury that his family decreed that the staff was only to speak latin around him as a boy.  A man with a ukelele (actually a zither) followed him around every day of his life to play music if he ever became bored. 

This man, in adulthood, retreated from society and wrote the Essays. He literally invented the word essays. It was his idea to write from the hip.  Without a point.  Essays.  Great titles too.
How bout these catchy bloggy entries.

XXXV.   Of the custom of wearing clothes.
XXX.    Of cannibals.
XIV.    That men are justly punished for being obstinate in the
defence of a fort that is not in reason to be defended.


i am now unable to return to my initial font.
Fear not, faithful reader.  I would like to turn
you on to a couple other terrific weblogs that I
check every day.
Jimski is a man of quality who writes both well and
often and a man who regularly makes me laugh out loud.
k8 is a woman who spends more time on line than
any human ever should- but frequently devotes a portion
of her life to making sure that I know what bizarre
gadgetry has come to market.  Or the continued goings
on of the Butterscotch Stallion.
Enough. 
But please, if there's something online that I ought
to be reading that I'm not reading, for god's sake let
me know.
I spend an awful lot of time staring at a computer, so help
a brother out.

Hitler's Blog

Hey everybody- heil me.  Whatever.  I know it's been a while since I've been able to shout out about what's been going on in my life but since we invaded Poland I've been hella busy.  It seems like not a weekend goes by these days without a barbeque or a rally- I'm bushed.  But it's a good bushed.
I got so hacked off the other day- I bought a pair of pants and the cuffs were uneven.  And I'm all "Hey, pal, how am I supposed to lead a thousand year reich with these cuffs." And the guy, the whaddya call it, the tailor guy, he actually had the gall to tell me that one of my legs was longer than the other.  So I ended up breaking a very nice, whaddya call it, urn or something on the guy's skull.  And that made me feel like I'm this out-of-control madman and you all know that's not what I'm going for.  I mean- anyway. It was a bring down.
Now, I feel like all I'm writing about are downers.  Oh!  Here's something- things with Eva are totally going smooth.  I mean last night, she came over and we watched Leni's new movie together.  Just me and her and the dogs.  I fell asleep for a big chunk of the movie but she was really cool about it- though I think my hair treatment made a stain on her blouse.  She gets me though- you know?  And dear God- I've never been so good in bed- I am amazing with her!  Not that I'm usually bad, but that girl's like a pinball machine!

Allright, that's all I can write right now.  I've got a headache or something.  It's pissing me off. 

The view at present....

The other day I woke up at nine p.m. and had red wine for breakfast.

Time has no meaning to those of us who work the overnight shift. 

I want to use this blog for something but I have yet to put my finger exactly upon what.   

The usual suspects- politics, news, sports, personal bric-a-brac seem a little ridiculous.  My mind couldn't possibly synthesize cogent thought at five twenty-eight in the morning. 

Once, about seven years ago, I had an idea that I could put my entire life online in chart form.  I had charts of my girlfriends, including details both salient and prurient, injuries I had sustained, injuries my car had sustained (a car that only recently left my possession after thousands and thousands of miles), and of course a list of my friends and enemies.

The friends and enemies list was in top twenty format- not unlike the top twenty format that the NCAA uses to rank basketball teams.  I listed people's position this week, their position the week before, and the reason they had risen or fallen on either list- for example (not  a real person of course)

Grant Sephus    This Week   5         Last Week 9    Reason: Brought me beers.

This all seemed a hilarious thing to do.  Viewed from a sort of macro perspective, it was funny.  However, people are prone to googling themselves and would find themselves on these lists, friends, enemies, and girlfriends alike. 

So that turned out to be a bad idea.  So I will endeavor not to do that here.