Fitty

My dear friends, and strangers who were looking for something else but have found themselves here,
Today you find yourselves reading what is my Fiftieth Blog Entry.  Now while I'm not saying that this once in a lifetime happening should merit the congressional medal of freedom (Though, Mr. President, while you have earned my personal disdain I am still willing to accept this award from you because of my high respect for the office you hold), I did think it worth mentioning. 
More than anything, I write this blog for the comments that you provide.  You the reader.  Those of you who know me well know of my narcissism, my need for attention, my desperate need to feel that I am somehow plugged into the stream of consciousness of every human being with whom I have shared time and space.  Each day I stand around desperate for email, voice mail, real mail, spam, fliers on my car windshield, any sort of communication that I might be able to construe as a few more heartbeats from the canary in a coalmine.  And for those few comments I receive I thank you.  And I encourage you.  Keep them coming.  The beast inside me needs to hear from  you.  Just comment.  Don't worry about on-topic/off-topic.  THIS IS YOUR BLOG TOO.  Its just my name is on it.  And I dictate what gets said here.  And I can erase stuff you write.  But I would not have reached fifty entries if I didn't honestly believe that everyday when you receive a little email in your inbox from a service that I cannot stop on my end, your face lights up briefly until going completely dark when you read my latest effort.  You, gentle reader, are the wind beneath my wings.  So comment.  All you want.  We've got room.  It's a big tent.  Happy holidays also.  Etc.


There is a reason that I preface all of this.  And of course you, the astute reader, with me since day one, recognizes that my prefaces always come when I've very little to say. 
WHITEHALL -- Former PhishTrey Anastasio was arrested by village police early this morning and charged with DWI-drugs after they stopped his car for failure to keep right.
Consider the joy this must have provided the arresting officer.  Trey Anastasio's patchouli stained fingers were the absolute incitement of tens of thousands of people to DUI, DWI, Drive Under Multiple Influences, Drive Under Spheres of Psychedelic Hegemony, Driving While Pursued By Bats, Driving While Rolling... and this cop pulls him over and finds...Drugs?  It must've been an amazing thing.  I expect that cops private parts grew three sizes that morning.

In spite of my absolute need to be inundated with vapid epistles, I unsubscribed to Phish's webservice today and not simply because of their former lead guitarists inability to keep right.  Nor because the band broke up two years ago.  Nor because I hadn't seen a show in six years.  I unsubscribed because I realized today that I hadn't yet.  I hadn't jumped off the trolley.
A (n embarrasing) List:
Number of Phish shows I went to..............................................17
Amount of money to attend said Phish Shows (17X~50)....................$850
Number of Phish shows where I committed activities that would keep me off of the senate............................................................................17
Number of miles I traveled to see said band at shows.......................5000
Number of Phish CDS of bootleg CDS I own.  Still own.  Still have with me......................65
Cost for above: 11 studio albums ($165) Live Releases ($155).............$320
Number of those CDs I listen to in an average year after 2003..............4
Number of Phish based websites I checked on average per day in 1999........................6 or 7
Number of strangers I met up with at their houses because we both liked phish and met on line........................................................................5 or 6
Number of people I've forced to listen to Phish in my life................more than 75.

Honest to God.  I look at this list and I want to kick my own butt.  And the thing is the signs were all there, man.  The signs were all there!  There were never any black people at these concerts.  Is that not a dead give away?  The whole scene resembled a concentration camp for English and Psych majors.  And then came the fact that none of their songs were ever on the radio despite the fact that the band desperately wanted to be on the radio.  The band asked its fans to call in to have their songs requestsed so they could prove that they really were a respectable band.  It was the rock'n'roll equivalent of Mormonism. 

So what can I say?  I guess I'm most sorry that I kept the door open this long.  I mean in 2004 they publicly admitted to not having practiced together in four years.  I can't come up with an equivalent to that level of ripping people off.  I'm angry and I'm hurt and I feel so stupid.  I have a buddy whose twice gone in for pyramid schemes.  And I don't mock him because he's always let me slide where this band was concerned. 

But here it is, 2006- nearly 2007 and the band does the first truly rock'n'roll thing they ever did in their 22 year history.  The front man gets busted with drugs.  Is it Heroin?  Coke?  Fuckin' Weed?  LSD?  PLEASE?
No.
Xanax.
Percoset.
Hydrocodone.
Pussies to the last.  And me the last sucker to figure it out.  Comment.
Please.  Fucking change the subject or something.  I'm seriously nauseous.  One more look at that list and I'm sure to throw up.